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Satire  Published 05/11/18 10:55am

OP-ED: I’m a Registered Democrat But Salmon Khaki Shorts Are My Kink

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Photo by Shoshi Wintman


The way the khaki peels stiffly away from his thigh. The way the shapeless pant leg screams, “what’s your golf handicap?” The way the hemmed bottom leaves room for the calf high Nike Dry Elite 1.5 Crew sock around his ankle. The Color. OH, THAT COLOR.

These are the thoughts that run through the head of Dana Novikov (C ’21) every time she meets a college republican.

Here are her truths.

She is a registered Democrat. She has a kink for salmon khaki shorts.

It’s hard for some to wrap their heads around. Yes, she loves Obama, but does that mean a pair of socially liberal fiscally conservative pink shorts from J. Crew can’t turn her on?

When we first heard about Dana we were confused as well. As a representative of UTB, I sat down with Dana to try and understand her story.

“I’m not going to lie, sometimes my predicament is tough,” She said on a couch in Perry World House. “But you can't choose who you love. It just happens. Don’t get me wrong; I love a boy who can really talk about the intricacies of oppression with me. I think it’s hot when a guy can be vulnerable about toxic masculinity and how he has been socialized to be an aggressive alpha male even though his real passion is painting. But every time I’m walking down Locust and I spot the coral khakis with a sea foam green Vineyard Vines long sleeve, I melt. It’s weird, I just no longer care that he thinks we live in a post racial society.” 

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