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Satire  Published 04/09/18 7:26am

Wharton Junior Enters Van Pelt for the First Time

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Photo from Greg Reese / CC0


Carl Timmons (W '19) walked into Van Pelt for the first time this past Tuesday. As he entered into the stacks of the library, Timmons soon became befuddled with all of the strange, incomprehensible writings on each stack of books. "Why are there weird tags everywhere?" he thought to himself, searching listlessly for a book for the first class in his college career for which he needed to write a research paper.

"Honestly, it's kind of a crazy space when you think about it. There are so many books, and there seems to be, like, almost no organization system to it at all. Someone should consider a start-up that fixes that whole deal."

In addition to having difficulty finding his book, Timmons soon became overwhelmed by the rows of carrels he encountered, since he was used to Huntsman GSRs. "What are there these free-standing booths?" he asked himself. "Why don't people have their own rooms and white boards to create on? Why are there miniature shelves in these carrels? Do I need to be searching these to find my book?"

Soon, a librarian took pity on Timmons, who had resorted to circling the same four stacks over and over again, convinced that the book would start to ring if he called the number and letters he had managed to find in Franklin.

Once Timmons made it through the perilous journey of finding and checking out Visions of Power in Cuba, he discovered the bag checking process,"Omg haha. They totally just look in, like, one pocket of your bag. That's looney toons! I gotta tell people about this." 

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