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Satire  Published 04/23/18 4:39pm

Lonely Student Wishes Someone Would Try Making Lunch Plans With Them on Locust

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Photo by Julio Sosa / The Daily Pennsylvanian


You know, I’ve tried to be sympathetic. I really have.

I tell myself that being constantly bothered on Locust Walk by offers to get lunch or catch up must be excruciating.

That it’s an inconvenience I cannot understand.

And you know what? At this rate, I probably never will.

Seriously, we get it. You’re all so popular that you can’t catch a damn breath without getting mobbed by some so and so from three semesters back. Your life must be awful.

You think it’s insincere. You think that you’ve got enough friends without opportunists from yesteryear trying to butt in on your social empire.

You think that you deserve nothing less than steady, deep relationships.

Good for you!

But I could really do with a fake friend right about now.

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