Satire  Published 02/03/18 2:30pm

Pledge Tries to Decipher if Hooking Up With Another Guy in His PC is Incest


Photo by Varunkul01 / CC0

College freshman Grant Bach is grappling with a challenging dilemma. “When you join a fraternity, you join a brotherhood,” said Bach. “So if you hook up with a guy in your fraternity, aren’t you hooking up with your brother? Is that morally okay? I’m honestly really confused.”

A new member of Gamma Delta Upsilon, Bach has faced many questions on the nature of his motives since beginning his quest for moral truth. Bach later clarified that he has no personal investment in solving this mystery. “I mean, I love my brothers, no homo, though. Like, I think my brothers are super hot — I mean chill and awesome. Again, no homo, though. I love women.”

Bach remains perplexed by the issue at hand, but intends to continue his efforts. “People deserve answers. I’m not one of those people, but I definitely feel for them. It’s called empathy, look it up.”

“I’m not questioning my sexuality, I’m just questioning the institution. How deep does the brotherhood really run?”

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