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Satire  Published 01/21/18 2:44pm

Junior Attends Women’s March After Cutting 100 Girls From Her Sorority Last Week

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Photo by Fibonacci Blue / CC BY 2.0


Yesterday morning, thousands of activists gathered at the Philadelphia Women’s March in support of women’s rights and deeper social change. Junior Christy Wolfstein, who carried poignant signs that read “girls just wanna have FUN-damental rights” and “a women’s place is in the resistance,” joined her friends and sorority sisters, Jackie Albright (C '19) and Lily Hempstead (W '18), at the march.

“We just believe that women should be bringing each other up instead of tearing each other down,” said Hempstead, who personally rejected several girls from joining her sorority Omega Alpha Kappa last week because they lacked a certain “spunk.” “All women deserve to be heard.”

The girls stayed up all night thinking up phrases such as “empowered women empower women” while discussing how much they lucked out with OAK’s newest pledge class this year.

“Can you believe we got Carrie Goldstein? I heard she almost went Sigma Omega this year. She would’ve hated hanging out with those awful girls,” exclaimed Albright, as she finished outlining “girl power” on her bright pink sign.

“I know! And remember Katie Smith? How we dropped her, like, second round? She had no choice but to join Epsilon Alpha— she got cut from everywhere else. Poor girl. Hey, can you pass the glitter? I want to write #MeToo on my poster.”

Overall, the girls feel like the event was a huge success. 

“It was so nice to see everyone coming together to protest unequal treatment of women in today’s society. I’m so sick of men thinking less of us and putting us down,” said Wolfstein. “Time’s up. Let’s celebrate women.” 

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