About

Satire  Published 12/17/17 9:31pm

Senior Exhausts Every Last Gift Option for Family Members at Penn Bookstore

1595098872_6397647a29_o

Photo by Giang / CC BY 2.0


Reportedly wringing his hands in distress, Trevor Castellano (E '18) learned yesterday that he had finally exhausted the Penn Bookstore's gift selection for his family members.

"Jesus, I really sucked this place dry," said Castellano, clutching the roots of his hair in exasperation upon remembering that he had, in fact, already gotten his brother a Penn-themed Rubik's Cube 2 years ago. "I leave for home on Saturday and I have no presents. What else I could possibly get them besides Penn hats? This is literally more stressful than my Econ final."

At press time, Castellano was frantically adding variety packs of patterned socks to his Amazon Prime cart.

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.