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Satire  Published 12/13/17 9:15pm

Early Decision Class of 2022 Already Booking GSRs for Next Year's Finals

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Photo by Yolanda Chen / The Daily Pennsylvanian


As our beloved founder once said: By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. Leave it to the Class of 2022 to take Franklin’s teaching to the next level. Last night, Spencer Wilson (W ‘22) learned of his early acceptance to Penn. What was the first thing he did after posting a heartfelt biography in the Class of 2022 Facebook page that he will soon regret?

“I booked a GSR.”

Not one to fall behind on the curve, Wilson decided to take a proactive stance on his education. “I’m not an average student. I got a 800’s on all my subject tests and a 34 on the ACT— it would have been a 36, but apparently they still consider English a legitimate academic discipline. Anyway, I intend to keep outperforming my peers, so I booked GSR 242 from 5-6:30 on December 13th, 2018.” Wilson didn’t stop there. “I also booked G52 and F60 on December 14th, 321 on the 15th— basically I’m covered. Dean’s List here I come.”

Wilson was not the only early admit to think ahead. “I had decent grades and mediocre scores, so I never really worried about my admission to Penn,” explained Rachel Perelman (C ‘22), “But I knew finding study space would be very competitive, so I did what any logical incoming college freshman would do. First, I created a GroupMe for all the future Quakers in my area. Then, I singled out the most eligible incoming Wharton freshman and reached out to him about co-hosting a meet-up. Next thing I know, I have 9 GSR reservations. He thinks we’re dating, but it’s only until January,” said Perelman. “And it’s definitely not exclusive.”

Harry Spellman (E ‘22) had a different approach. “I hacked into the Spike servers and booked myself GSR G56 for 72 hours straight. I wouldn’t be caught dead studying at my desk, but alone in a GSR at 3pm? Now that’s powerful.”

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