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Satire  Published 11/14/17 12:27am

Penn Offers ‘Intro to Astrology’ to Fulfill Physical World Sector

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Photo by Karen Arnold on PublicDomainPictures.net / CC0


As part of the University’s ongoing commitment to improving its curriculum, the College of Arts and Sciences is testing the waters with a new course titled “Intro to Astrology” (ASTR365).

“There is currently no astrology department, so the course will be offered under ours,” the head of the Physics and Astronomy Department said last week.

Professor Schwartze will be teaching the survey course. The tenured professor holds a PhD in astrophysics from Berkeley, and also stated that he is “well versed in the ins-and-outs of not only the quantitative aspects of the universe, but the mystical ones, too.” Schwartze is an active participant in online flat Earth communities as well as in astrology forums. “I’m a Capricorn,” he told UTB.

The course, which will be offered in Spring 2018, will fulfill the physical world sector requirement. The contents of the course include close studies of signs, daily horoscopes, and occasional tarot card readings. No syllabus has been posted for the class. According to Professor Schwartze, the class is structured such that there are no exams. A final project, however, will constitute the bulk of a student’s grade.

“The final project is designed to give students hands-on experience with astrological charts and involves interacting with their peers in a way that they’ve never done before,” Schwartze said. “I’m not going to spoil what it is, but I can tell you it’s going to be... out of this world.”

Many students have shown extensive interest in ASTR365. College senior Abigail Fuchemann was particularly excited. “One of the last things I have to do to graduate is fulfill a couple sector requirements,” she said. “‘Intro to Psychology’ didn’t fit into my schedule, so I was desperate for a different easy, bullsh--I mean, thought-provoking class to let me graduate. After I get an ‘A’ in in Intro to Astrology and reach a 3.9, Goldman, here I come!”

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