Satire  Published 11/08/17 11:30am

Wow! Guy On Ultimate Frisbee Team Is Actually Pretty Athletic


Photo by Kunsan Air Base / CC0 

It’s difficult for many college students to stay in shape and remain healthy while balancing all of their commitments. It’s even more difficult to do so while not playing a real sport.

Reports indicate that James Greenberg (E ‘19), a current member of Penn’s ultimate frisbee team, is actually somewhat athletic. Behind a wicked forehand throw and an even more impressive disk collection are the physical attributes of a reasonably fit and active man.

Numerous witnesses have reportedly spotted Greenberg jogging around campus, curling dumbbells at the gym, and even drinking protein shakes during class. Recording above-average running times and sporting a decent physical stature, Greenberg has managed to defeat stereotypes and shock countless onlookers. 

“I mean, he’s no Michael Phelps or Usain Bolt or anything,” said Leonard Schmidt, captain of the Penn Men’s Ultimate Frisbee Team. “He can jump pretty high, I guess. There was that one time where he jumped like 2 feet in the air and caught the disk and scored, so there’s that.”

When asked whether or not he intends to use his athletic prowess to pursue a professional frisbee career, Greenberg responded, “Wait, professional frisbee is a thing? I don’t know man, I’m just here to do some cardio once a week and throw around a couple frisbees.”

As one of the ultimate players on the ultimate frisbee team, Greenberg hopes to ultimately develop the ultimate athletic form.

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