Crime Log: October 31 - November 6

Profanity

Oct 31: A student was detained after reassembling a sequence of carved pumpkins, which originally spelled out “Puck Frinceton.” The convicted party switched the letters P and F to spell out “Fuck Princeton.” Clearly the student does not understand the catchphrase.

Pass Interference

Nov 3: In a game of catch where two students threw a pumpkin back and forth, one student tripped on his own shoelace, consequently failing to make the catch. The pumpkin exploded on impact with the ground.

Reckless Abandonment

Nov 3: In several reported instances this past week, large quantities of pumpkins were found in Starbucks Under Commons. No one came forward to claim ownership, so the pumpkins were brought upstairs to be served as Entire Juiced Pumpkin in a Cup at Commons.

Littering

Nov 5: A group of three students threw decaying carved pumpkins into the street, because “They’re biodegradable!” Police determined that their actions had no intended malice; they just lacked common sense.