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Satire  Published 11/10/17 10:35am

Wealthy Student Throws Artisan Ciabatta Onto the Field at Halftime

ciabatta

Photo by Josch13 / CC0


During halftime at the football game on Sunday, slices of bread coated Franklin Field track as Penn students participated in the age-old tradition of throwing toast. Most of the toast was your average grocery store white bread, but one slice stood out: a gorgeous, thick, fresh-out-of-the-oven piece of ciabatta.

UTB’s investigative reporting team, using advanced forensic techniques (we asked a couple of people who were at the game) found the thrower of this fine specimen to be junior Juan Jacobs.

“I couldn’t bring myself to buy cheap bread, even if it was just for throwing onto the field,” Jacobs said. “So I called some of the best bakers in the city, found one whose vision really spoke to me, and bought a loaf of his best bread. It gave me peace of mind, and flew through the air very well.”

Jacobs says he will feed the remaining ciabatta loaf to the BioPond turtles, noting, “carbs suck.”

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