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Satire  Published 11/09/17 4:05pm

Big Spender: This Guy Paid $5 Instead of $1 to Get Into The "Fast Line" at Smokes

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Photo: qilin / CC BY 2.0


As college students, many of us have to be mindful of what we spend our money on. Sometimes we have to make the tough calls, like deciding if a $12 Postmates delivery fee is worth not making the 5-block trek to Chipotle, or how much to spend on a downtown without a photographer.

But College senior Henry Katz doesn't feel so burdened by these decisions. Last weekend, Smokes was jam-packed with returning alumni. In typical Penn neoliberal capitalist fashion, the Smokes entry line was divided into two portions: 1 dollar got you in as normal, while 5 dollars got you in at express speed, bypassing others waiting in line.

Henry told us he "had no problem making the call to spend the $5 to get in faster. Smokes is pretty great anyway, but homecoming weekend makes it really special. I couldn't miss it." Big spender! Once in Smokes, we asked him if he thought getting in 10 minutes earlier was worth his money. "Totally, totally, so worth it," he told us, as five sweaty people rammed into him without apologizing on the dance floor, spilling their beers on his shirt.

When we asked Henry what he'd be doing later this week, he told us: "Well, my brother is having a birthday BYO, but I'm not sure if I'm going to go. It's all the way downtown, which is like an $8 Uber. I don't think I wanna spend that money."

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