Satire  Published 11/29/17 11:06am

Facing Crowd at O'Hare Airport, Junior Decides to Stay Home Until Spring Semester


Photo by Gerald Pereira / CC 2.0 

Debbie Khan (C '19) can’t get enough of Illinois. The moment that her 8:30 pm Wednesday class ended, she was off to the Philly Airport and on the first flight she could catch, a mere ten hours later.

After a relaxing weekend spent with her adopted family of 15 chemistry textbooks, she was all set to return home.

But when she arrived at Chicago’s O’Hare airport, she realized that she wouldn’t be getting back to Penn anytime soon.

“The crowd was massive” she told us “Like, take Houston at lunchtime and triple it. “

Appalled, Khan decided to just stay home until the start of the spring semester.

“It’s no big deal” she reassured us “I’ll just take all the makeup final exams the semester after. That’s what I’ve been doing for the last four semesters. They basically said that I could just take the finals for all of my undergrad courses at the end of my senior spring. I asked them if I could do that at the end of a ten page email in six point font, and they didn’t say no! It’s the ol’ Penn Dining meal plan recruitment strategy.”

We’ll be glad to see you back on campus next semester, Debbie! Or maybe the one after, or maybe in a couple decades, who knows.

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