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Satire  Published 10/26/17 11:50pm

Yes, I Submitted a Penn Crush for My Juul and No, I’m Not Ashamed

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Painting by Pierre-Auguste Renoir/ Public Domain


Hi guys. Let it be known that I’m that girl, and I’m not ashamed.

A couple of days ago, I submitted to Penn Crushes a posting about how much I love my JUUL, and some of you frickin’ haters thought it would be funny to make memes out of it. Well, I’ve got a few words for you--JUULie and I are happy and don’t need any of your shit. She’s been there for me more than any man has.

For example, I take her with me every time I go out. She keeps me safe and doesn’t ghost me like the boy from writing sem did last year. Make fun of me all you want, but know that I will stand by JUULie through thick and thin. In fact, I actually feel sorry for all of you that have “crushes” on actual people that go here. Like, no, Molly, that boy from your chemistry class is not that cute and he doesn’t want to be a DNA helicase and unzip your jeans. It’s sad. It really is.

Did I mention that there are different flavored JUUL pods, too? Peach. Mango. Crème brûlée. Chocolate garlic. Houston Hall spicy bowl. Get vaped on, haters.

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