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Satire  Published 10/31/17 4:47pm

This Guy's Squad Dressed Up as Event Observers for Halloween to Get into Every Single Party on Campus

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Photo by Stacalusa / CC0


Halloween night was looking like a bust for Engineering sophomore Jeffrey Simons and his friends. But then, they pulled off one of the craftiest endeavors in Penn’s recent history.

Get this: Simons and his squad dressed up as event observers to get into virtually every party at Penn. One of his friends even convincingly showed up as Vice President for Public Safety Maureen Rush. It’s no surprise that it all worked like a charm.

“We kept on getting asked to take a lap, whether it was because our ratio was super low or because the places were too overcrowded. Then we decided to take matters into our own hands. Event observers exist for a reason!” Simons told us.

Luke Harvey, a partygoer just looking for a good time, witnessed an exchange between a brother at Kappa Delta Omicron and the group.

“It was pretty crazy — there was a brother outside who would only let you in if you could name the street he grew up on. I was waiting outside when these guys rolled up looking like some overpaid grad students. Immediately, the brother looked petrified, let us all in, and our University-approved bartender made us some sweet mixed drinks right away. It was a sick night.”

Frats around campus will certainly be on watch for this kind of stuff next Halloween. But if things don’t work out and you need a costume, this isn’t a bad idea.

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