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Satire  Published 10/04/17 6:13pm

Missed Connections: September 28 – October 4

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Photo: Sam Sedor / The Daily Pennsylvanian


Teddy

You walked by me on Locust and our connection was palpable. You on your literal leash to an unnamed figure clad in Vineyard Vines and me on my metaphorical leash to the weight of my existence – a true pair we are. I sat in my class in Stiteler, still in a daze, thinking of all the belly rubs, fetches, and cuddle seshes that could be. Bark three times when I see you next, and I’ll know what to do.

Sexby’s

I was sitting in Saxby’s, minding my own business, when I saw you in your fitted suit with padfolio in hand. You sat down a few tables away from me, courtesy smiles and all, and you began chatting with someone who looked super bored for about 15 to 30 minutes, though without coffee. Let’s network sometime. In the sheets. 

Pumpkin Spice Latt-Bae

I spotted you in class – I thought I’d look around the room to distract myself instead of looking at my phone for once. I saw you take a sip of your Pumpkin Spice Latte and thought, “wow.” Sure, it doesn’t have any real pumpkin it. And, yeah, it’s a genius marketing scheme. But you looked damn good licking that extra bit of cinnamon froth from your upper lip. Let’s try some more seasonal drinks tomorrow after class. I heard the salted caramel mocha is delish.

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