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Satire  Published 10/11/17 12:47am

Missed Connections: October 4-11

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Photo: Sam Sedor


Blue Eyes, Beautiful Boy

I remember seeing you walk over the bridge. It didn’t feel real. We made eye contact as you passed through the crowd of people and reporters. Your smile was even brighter than in the pictures. Former Vice President Joe Biden, if you remember me, if you remember our connection, meet me by the Love Statue at midnight. We will dance under the stars.

1 (One) Crunchy Leaf on Locust Walk

I saw you--crisp, still,

And ran toward your embrace,

But she crushed you first.

A Real Romantic

I’ve always dreamed of a beautiful, charming boy sweeping me off my feet, and you did more than just that. It was on 36th and Walnut. I was wearing a black t-shirt and jeans. You were riding your bike. When I saw your “Cool story babe, now make me a sandwich” t-shirt, I was heart-struck. Both our hearts and bodies collided onto the pavement. You said to me, “Watch where you’re going, [redacted misogynistic slur]!” I knew it was true love. I still have a scrape on my elbow.

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