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Satire  Published 10/18/17 11:16pm

Heroic Student Buys a Meal Plan to Help Fund New Wharton Building

huntsman

Photo by Zachary Sheldon / The Daily Pennsylvanian


Daanyal Khouresh (N’19) is the kind of guy who can’t bear to see someone else suffering. When he heard that Wharton’s planned multimillion dollar building was running into some funding issues, Khouresh knew he couldn’t just keep quiet.

“The Wharton kids have suffered enough,” he related to our reporters. “We in Nursing have Fagin all to ourselves, it’s only fair that Wharton students should have a place to call their own”

When we asked him about Huntsman Hall, he looked at us blankly and muttered that he hadn’t really ever been west of 36th Street.

“So... yeah. I knew I had to take decisive action. Wharton needed cash, and fast.”

That same day, Khouresh marched up to the Penn Dining Services office with all the zeal of a young soldier off to war.

“I told them they had to sign me up for a meal plan immediately or I would drop out of Penn. I figure a meal at Commons is worth like $2 and a swipe comes out to be $17. Signing up for a meal plan is probably the single best way for me to fill Penn’s coffers.”

Meal plan in hand, Daanyal can rest easy knowing that he might have saved an entire building from cancellation. Or at least a room, or a lamp, or something.

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