About

Satire  Published 10/31/17 3:37am

Parents: You Don’t Love Your Child Unless You Bought One of These Lacquerware Giraffes During Parents' Weekend

lacquermofogiraffes

Photo by Sam Tolbert


Oh no! Apparently, unless you bought one of these lacquerware giraffes from the Locust Walk Bazaar during Parents' Weekend you have no strong emotional attachment to your offspring!

That’s right. The giraffes, made from all-natural lacquer and dye, are the only way to let your child know you don't secretly resent them. Going for only $49.99, they are literally the only signifier that you love your child. Hope you picked one up!

These weird camels complement any decor aesthetic, from rustic to funky, and also let your child know you're not lying when you say, “I love you, Jeremy.” Good thing I picked one up!

What’s that? You didn’t snatch up one of these bad boys when you had the chance? Good luck when your child leaves you old and alone for a lifetime of neglect. This is no joke!

Alright, I’ll see you and your kid that you hate around, but don’t forget — nothing speaks as loudly as lacquerware!

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.