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Satire  Published 10/06/17 12:39am

I Hugged Amy Gutmann: She's Actually Pretty Friendly and Nice

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Carson Kahoe / The Daily Pennsylvanian


Before I met Amy Gutmann, the president of our university, I didn't have a very high opinion of her. I'd seen many negative memes about her, and read an article from a very reputable news source pointing out that the value of her celery is enormous. I agreed that while she might have done well in raising funds for the university, there were clearly issues on campus that she was not adequately addressing.

Everything changed when I met her in person.

I saw Amy Gutmann one fine September day on Locust Walk, surrounded by a gaggle of undergrads. Pushing my way through, I wanted to see if she was actually a hologram, as one reputable news source had reported. I offered a hug. To my immense surprise and gratitude, she accepted. Her camera crew immediately snapped pictures, capturing a beautiful moment that I could then upload to my Instagram account. How nice of her!

As I continued to chat with Amy, I was thoroughly impressed by her geniality. She said that she hoped I was enjoying Penn, and wished me a nice day as she left to take care of some obviously important administrative business. I don't know if any other university president could match her connection with and commitment to her students. She really goes above and beyond in making them feel welcome and cared for here at Penn.

I really think I've made a new friend in Amy Gutmann. I can't wait till the next time I see her! Maybe we can talk about that book I recommended during our conversation.

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