About

Satire  Published 10/09/17 3:39am

This Guy Waited Until Senior Year to Take Writing Sem So He Could Hook up With a Freshman

45618_the_tutoring_center_5532422757o

Photo by Pennsylvania Institute of Technology / CC BY 2.0


It isn’t uncommon to find an upperclassman or two who put off taking Writing Sem until the last minute, but Will Goldman (C '18) stands out from the crowd.

“I’m not like most guys,” said Goldman, “I took Writing Sem senior year on purpose.”

While Goldman expressed a surefire interest in refining his basic outlining skills, he noted that his ultimate goal lies elsewhere. “After striking out with every girl in the Classes of 2018, 2019, and 2020, the Class of 2021 was my final chance,” elaborated Goldman.

Though some may call Goldman’s approach unorthodox, he remains steadfast in his decision. “Instead of trolling the hot and sticky halls of every frat party during NSO, I can troll the cool halls of Williams every Tuesday and Thursday from 1:30-2:50,” explained Goldman. “All I have to do is mention needing some help with the justificatory genre and they’ll come running. It’s a no brainer.”

Goldman described himself as daring, not desperate. “Sure, I don’t plan to be too picky here, but what other guy has the guts to put off a course required for graduation for some potential action with a freshman, am I right?” he added. “Now I can graduate and find my future wife.”

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.