Satire  Published 09/13/17 11:01am

Senior Somehow Knew More Penn Kids In NYC Last Summer Than He Does At Penn


Photo by Pexels / Public Domain

Jamie Steinberg (W ’18) came back to campus this fall and noticed something odd: he didn't recognize anyone. Even after pacing up and down Locust during peak hours, Steinberg claims he didn’t receive a single head nod or soft smile.

“I don’t get it,” said Steinberg. “Back in the East Village, where I lived for two months over the summer and got to experience The Real World™, my friends from Penn would just come out of the woodwork at all hours of the day.”

Steinberg claims that, on average, he saw 143.5 Penn students a day in New York. Every time he stepped onto the subway, the Whartonite recognized at least 4 people from his 12 person seminar on Rocks and Their Uses (GEOL052), 2 people from his hall in Ware House, and that guy who hands out the DP on the compass. Every so often, Steinberg would even catch a glimpse of the Real Le Anh strolling through Central Park, or spot 3 of his professors hanging out at the Museum of Ice Cream.

Back at Penn, though, he doesn’t know a soul. “At B Bar or Phebes, I was bound to see a kid from my freshman year Writing Sem, an MBA student, or at least Joey from Wawa. At Smokes, it’s like I’m looking at a bunch of strangers,” said Steinberg.

Bewildered by the new adjustment, the senior says that he hopes to go back to NYC for fall break. “All I need is one more trip to Smorgasburg and I’m bound to see 15 Penn kids I know. It’s a fact.”

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