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Satire  Published 09/26/17 2:36am

Penn Promises to Build New Asian American Studies Building on 35th Street

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Screenshot of Campus Map


After a semester of student-led protests and petitions urging administrators to direct more resources into the Asian American studies program, extremely receptive Penn administrators have taken a huge step toward securing the future of the program. Penn recently announced plans to build a new Center for Asian American Studies on 35th Street, right in the heart of Penn's campus.

In a joint statement, the College Dean and Associate Dean expressed their support for the project: "For too long, we have been told that we are not giving enough attention to the Asian American studies program. We propose to change this by informing you that we are at some point planning to build a brand new Center for Asian American Studies, which will be located at the intersection of 35th Street and Walnut Street. No construction date has been set so far, but we promise that it's happening, so can we be done now?"

There was immediate pushback from the Asian American Studies Undergraduate Advisory Board, who pointed out that no such intersection exists, and that buildings already exist in the space where an intersection would, but the deans have yet to address these complaints. It appears that coming up with such a generous gesture had exhausted their ability to communicate with students.

The Penn administration is "still gathering funds for the project." In the meantime, the university plans to proceed with the construction of a new, $60 million Wharton building.

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