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Satire  Published 09/30/17 3:07am

'Playboy 2014 Top Party School' Banner Hung From Palestra Rafters in Emotional Ceremony

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Photo by MJ Kang / The Daily Pennsylvanian


In a formal ceremony attended by past and present Penn leaders this Friday, Penn’s 2014 #1 Playboy Party school ranking banner was hoisted to the rafters of the Palestra, where it will remain for all time. Called “the greatest honor bestowed upon our University in three centuries of history” by President Amy Gutmann in a short speech preceding the ceremony, the ranking, from a 2014 edition of the soft pornographic magazine, was immortalized forever in the form of the banner.

Speaking on behalf of the party community of 2014, Jacob Shipmann (W’14) dedicated the banner after President Gutmann. “We will never forget the peak of excellence our community reached during that era. Brews were cold, music was loud, and darties were very much during the day. Halcyon days, my friends.”

The banner raising was attended by 25,000 current and former Penn students, some there to bask in their own glory days and some there to learn about a time in history they were not blessed to experience. “I’m just happy to honor history. We should never forget the sacrifices Penn students made in order to have had the editors of Playboy magazine rank us above the likes of Syracuse and UC-Santa Cruz,” said Rachel Weinstein (C’20), “they’re the real heroes.”

“Anyway,” she added, “it’s a Friday night. It’s not like there’s anything else going on.”

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