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Satire  Published 09/13/17 1:05pm

Frat Erupts Into Applause After Freshman Replies “Going” to Party

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For many, being in a fraternity is an incredible experience filled with joy, laughter, and great memories. Today, the the brothers of Lambda Iota Theta likely felt all these feelings and many more, as they received the most phenomenal news of their lives. Reports indicate that College freshman Trevor Ruben has just responded on Facebook that he will be “going” to the frat’s party this upcoming Friday.

Upon hearing of Ruben’s attendance, members of the fraternity erupted into roars of cheers and applause. “We’ve been trying to get this guy at one of our ragers ever since he set foot on campus,” said Chad, a member of the frat.

Ruben said that clicking the “going” button was a tough decision for him to make. “There were a lot of parties for me to choose from, with cool amenities like foam, balloons, and cotton candy clouds. But in the end, what attracted me to this party was the description’s reference to ‘debauchery’. There’s nothing I love more than some old-fashioned debauchery.”

Despite the high demand for Ruben’s presence, members of the frat are still not willing to waive their stringent ratio policies in order to incentivize Ruben’s attendance. “This guy still better show up with 5 girls,” Chad told us. “We’ve got a reputation to maintain here. We wouldn’t want our GreekRank.com ranking to go down.”

As all other fraternities are sitting envious of Lambda Iota Theta’s incredible accomplishment, many are still planning to recruit Ruben to come to their future parties. While Ruben has indicated that he is “interested” in some parties, the fraternities are riddled with anxiety, waiting to see whether he will ever update this status to “going”.

For now, however, we hope that Ruben has a good time this Friday, and we anxiously await updates on his future party interests.

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