Crime Log: September 13-19

Public Nudity

Sep 13: Sophomore caught stripping outside Frontera. While in court, he explained that he was unaware that he would be SABsing that day and his outfit wasn’t up to par. 

Mayhem

Sep 14: Amy Gutmann was spotted in College Hall, causing a commotion. She was charged with mayhem and forbidden from coming back to campus. It has been reported that she has yet to attempt to break her probation.

Arson

Sep 15: An event observer spotted a freshman showing off some fire new dance moves at Chancellor backlot. Penn police were quick to arrest the lawbreaker for burning up the dance floor.

Trespassing

Sep 16: A tussle broke out in G67 Saturday evening. A report from Roger Whitman (W ’18) alleged that a student burst into his GSR and claimed it was his. Eyewitnesses state that Whitman had a clearly labeled “Do Not Disturb. Goldman Sachs Phone Interview” sign on the door.