Published 08/05/17 12:56am

True Story: My Sublessee Tried to Sell My Bed While I Was Sleeping in It


Screenshot by Becky Molinoff

It was a normal Monday night in July. I had just started rewatching The Office for the third time this summer. I was still full from my “homemade” dinner (frozen Mandarin Orange Chicken from Trader Joe’s), so I was not quite ready to have ice cream. But suddenly Michael Scott’s racist jokes were interrupted by a message that popped up in the upper right corner of my computer.

Is it cool if someone comes to pick up the bed on the 13th?

The text was from the girl I've been subletting from during the summer. We had previously discussed that my summer job went through August 15th, so I was surprised to hear that the bed would be auctioned off half a week before I was supposed to leave. Granted, as I am a non-sleeping vampire of the type described in the hit young adult series Twilight, so maybe it wouldn't be that much of a problem for me– but she doesn't know that. I had rather assumed a bed was included in my rent.

We have nothing in writing that specifies whether the bed will be in the room the whole time.

Great, glad we established that.

The buyer is coming sometime on Sunday, so can you let him in?

So now, not only am I going to be bedless for at least three days, but now I'm expected to stay in the apartment all day on Sunday, presumably staring at the door as I wait for some guy to come take my bed? Does she think I’m a loser with no plans for the weekend? Granted, I have no plans for the weekend– but she doesn’t know that. So instead, I say that I'm going to be busy.

Is it easier for you if he comes to pick it up during the day on Monday?

As much as I would appreciate one extra night with a bed, I work on weekdays (contrary to the vampire of the type described in the hit young adult series Twilight, I can go out during the day). I'm not going to leave my job in the middle of the day so some guy can come take my bed.

I don’t understand why you’re making this so much more difficult than necessary.

Um, is she serious? Sarcasm can be so tricky over text. I respond that the buyer can come by anytime, I’ll just quit my job and camp out in the basement of Van Pelt for the next week.

Kk great thx.

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