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Satire  Published 08/30/17 11:44am

Riveting: Professor Reads Entire Syllabus Out Loud to Enraptured Students

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Who said the first day of class has to be boring?

Students spent all of the noon lecture for "GEOL052: Rocks and their Uses" on the edges of their seats as Professor Benjamin Haigney went through the entirety of the five page syllabus in painstaking detail.

He didn't miss a line: from the absence policy to the required reading, the grade breakdown to the weekly assignments, Haigney covered all his bases. And it paid off!

"It was a really captivating class," said one College junior taking the course for a requirement. "All the information that I needed was in that syllabus, so I was pretty ecstatic when he said he was going to go over it. He really got the tone and cadence down! We're hoping he releases the syllabus as an audiobook, too."

When the professor finished going over the document, a process which took him forty minutes, the room erupted into applause. When it finally died down, Haigney delivered an encore presentation by briefly explaining how to use Canvas. This, too, was met with universal acclaim.

No one had any questions about the syllabus, which indicates that Haigney's presentation was so thorough that no confusion was possible. He did have to email the class later, though, to explain that he had written the wrong date for the midterm.

Haigney says that the students "haven't seen anything yet." He suspects they'll like next class even more, when he plans to give each person in the room a rock and just tell them, "Go to town!"

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