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Satire  Published 05/18/17 11:55am

SWUG Graduates, Realizes She's Just Washed-Up Now

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For Grace Diaz (E '17), graduating was bittersweet. Sure, she was excited to get as far away from Penn's campus as possible by working in New York City. But something didn't quite feel right.

Diaz suddenly realized— she was no longer a Senior Washed-Up Girl. Now, she was just washed-up.

We reached out to the former SWUG, current WUG, for comment.

"It was cool to be a SWUG. I could drink box wine alone in my apartment as much as I wanted and it was cool, not pathetic or a call for help," she mused. "Now that I'm no longer a senior, I'm just washed-up!"

Diaz continued, "It's probably creepy now if I try to hit on 18 year olds next year!" Picturing what her washed-up life will be like and fearing for her future, she asked, "What am I going to do now that I can't caption all my instas 'SWUG life?'"

"Damn, I should have submatriculated," Diaz realized, too late.

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