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Satire  Published 05/17/17 2:53pm

Nostalgic Alumnus Fondly Recounts Peeing on Ben on the Bench to Family

pointing

Photos (with edits) by Kim Flowers, Unknown / CC0, CC 2.0


When Norman Fishman (W ’89) returned to campus during Alumni weekend, there was only one site he wanted to see: Ben on the Bench, the urea-painted statue on 37th and Locust. So, while the rest of his classmates enjoyed a picnic and reminisced about wholesome collegiate experiences, Fishman dragged his family to the spot where he once "heroically" desecrated an American legend.

“Right here. This is where I stood and let him have it,” Fishman chuckled to himself, pointing to the statue. “Just dropped trough and... pssss,” he laughed, pretending to pee on Ben once again. “Man, did I have some good times in college.”

Fishman’s family stood next to him during the retrospective episode, unsure of a proper response. “Norm,” his wife Kathy (C ’89) pressed. “Why don’t you tell the kids about winning that startup competition? Or becoming UA Vice President?”

“No,” he responded, staring longingly at the statue. “This was everything.”

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