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Satire  Published 04/19/17 1:56pm

Twas the Night Before Fling: A Poem

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Photo by Pixabay / Public Domain 


Twas the night before Fling, and all through the hall

Not a creature was stirring, not even a bong.

The fling tanks hung by the heater with care,

In hope that Fling would soon be there.

The freshmen were all snug in their twin XL beds,

With visions of Zedd and future trips dancing in their heads.

And the RA in her sweatpants, and I in my free Penn merch,

Had just settled our brains for a semi-long pre-finals nap,

When out on in the Quad there arose a shout,

I sprang from my bed to say get the F out.

Away to the window I stormed with a clash,

Tore open the blinds, and threw an unfriendly gest,

The moon shining on the new-fallen “snow”,

Gave a luster to shenanigans that were a-go,

When what to my sleepy eyes did appear,

But a handful of wristbands and eight tiny beers,

With a little old alum so lit with such zing,

I knew in a moment he must be St. Fling!

More rapid than Latin BBQ ticket sales, his name-drops they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called performers by name:

“Now, Zedd! now, Tinashe! now Kesha and Akon!

On, Tyga! on, Flo Rida! on, Passion and Pit!

To the top of the elevated surface! to the top of the roof!

Now dance away! dance away! dance away all!”

So up to the rooftops they climbed

With a Spotify playlist that was perfectly well-timed.

As I drew my head, and was turning around,

Down from the roof St. Fling came on down.

His eyes – wow they were hazy! his dimples, how merry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bro,

And the stuff on his chin must have come from the “snow”;

The crust of a pizza he held tight in his teeth,

And the aroma, it permeated beneath;

He gave up “Penn face” and had a beer belly

That shook when he laughed, like his bank account filled with money.

He wasn’t a dummy or glum, a real jolly alum,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

Because I knew in four years this would be me, a happy Penn oldie.

And with a wink of his eye, and twist of his shades

I soon knew that Fling was on its way;

He sprang to his Uber, and away he went

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight –

“Happy Fling to all, and to all a good night!”

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