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Satire  Published 04/05/17 2:06pm

I LIVED IT: Juniors Create A Capella Senior Society, and Now I'm Ready to Die

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Pixabay / CC0 Public Domain


I thought yesterday was just a normal day. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, people were sitting out on College Green. I was being productive, sitting on the grass and working on stuff. But then I saw something that I couldn't unsee. 

Three juniors sitting a few feet away from me started bursting into song for no reason at all. I remember all of them from someone's punny a capella cover photo, I can't remember which one. One of them was singing a scale, and the other was doing vocal warm-ups. It's almost as if they were communicating through 3-part harmonies - some kind of telepathy or something. Weird. 

But that wasn't the worst of it. Soon they started talking about senior societies. One of them said, "Yeah, I don't even get the point of them anyway." Another asked, "Isn't there a new one like every year or something?" And finally, I heard: "I don't think any of the ones that exist right now are right for me. What if we just started our own?"

And that's when the world turned upside down. Before I knew it, I was having hot flashes. My eyes were twitching. I had lost sensation in my arms. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears: this was really happening.

"Totally! What if we started an a capella senior society?" "We could arrange new mash-ups like twice a week!" "Oh my God, I LOVE the Pentatonix!" "And we'd all get to go to each other's shows and cheer each other on!"

I listened as they tossed names around. "Scale Back," "Measure Up," "Pretty Sharp." Finally, they settled on this gem: "How Clef-er." This is real, this is true. There is now an a capella senior society, and I just don't know what to do about it. 

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