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Satire  Published 04/07/17 2:31pm

I Got an Internship and Immediately Posted It on Facebook

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Photo by geralt / CC0


Ah, the light at the end of the tunnel. The past few months of answering questions like “When is a time you had to meet a deadline?”, “Would you rather sing a song or tell a joke right now?”, and “Pizza rolls or pizza bagels?” have finally paid off. And, yes, I mean literally paid off. Amy Gutmann’s salary isn’t the only thing increasing by 3.9%.

The sweet taste of summer employment is almost as nice as the daily macchiatos I’ll be picking up for the office every morning. Do I know yet that “finance intern” is actually synonymous with “coffee bitch?” Absolutely not.

Before my thumb has ended the call with the recruiter whom I’ve been bombarding with emails for the past month, my other hand opens my laptop riddled with “Wharton Entrep” and “MUSE” stickers. Their first GBMs of the year were awesome, and I love reading listserv emails. Haven’t quite made it out to another meeting yet, but they both have prime real estate on my resume. I love being involved in clubs!

Hit Chrome, “f”, and enter. It's time to make this Facebook official. Oh look, a notification for an invitation to a business-oriented event. I click “going”, but obviously will not be attending - I am clearly already a business champion. My fingers are pulsing and my heart is racing as I type out the status that I’ve had memorized since November. “Feeling blessed and honored to be interning in NYC this summer at X. Thanks to all my friends and family who have helped me along the way.”

I feel like a boss. Speaking of which, I’m gonna be one soon. It’s gonna be sick.

Next up is LinkedIn: Incoming Finance Intern at X. I don’t know yet that my future coworkers will see this and make fun of me. But for now, my connections will loathe me. It feels great. 

I sit and stare at the cyber-empire I’ve just built. The likes are rolling in. This is my kingdom. 

I run around my house taking pictures to upload, begging for a summer subletter. I then email every listserv I belong to, asking for housing in NYC. All my friends will be so eager to help me.

I should probably tell my mom now. 

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