Satire  Published 04/29/17 1:08pm

Fed Up Wharton Students to Create a More Inclusive “University Republicans”


After Donald Trump was elected as the 45th President, many people were discouraged about the state of the country. They feared that the progress made for equal rights and inclusivity would be reversed by the new administration.

Luckily, here at Penn, everything is perfect always and no one is ever excluded or marginalized ever — but for one small exception. So three brave Wharton sophomores decided to create a new club to stop arbitrary and unjust discrimination once and for all.

“College Republicans has been excluding Wharton, Nursing, and Engineering students since the group was created,” Jack Fisher (W ‘19) told us. “I mean, just look at the name. We decided it was time for us to stop accepting the inequality, stand up, and make a difference.”

The three Wharton students got the idea from one of UTB’s certified top fling tanks of 2017: a classy heathered gray tank reading “i am not in college republicans.” The students completely misunderstood the tank (originally intended to attract potential hookups) to be a political statement about the inclusivity of the club.

“I saw the tank and I said to my friend, ‘Dude, me neither! What’s up with that? Equal rights for everyone!’ and then we high-fived for equal access to Republican student groups. It was a really spiritual moment for both of us,” Fisher recalled.

Despite their qualms about the potential backlash, they were convinced to move forward with the club by a small etching of the words “equal opportunity” written on the door of a bathroom stall next to an explicit drawing. Talk about inspiration!

The students plan to officially launch the new club next Fall, and anticipate that it will be a big hit.

All comments eligible for publication in Daily Pennsylvanian, Inc. publications.