Satire  Published 04/27/17 11:32am

10 Penn Relays Events Anyone Can Do


Photo by Alvin Loke / CC 2.0

The Penn Relays begin today! But we get that if you're not a track star, you might be feeling a little left out this weekend. Luckily, we've come up with 10 Penn Relays events that you can totally pull off.

  1. Speedwalk from the High Rises to DRL
  2. Attend a marathon of classes: 8am to 6pm
  3. Hurdle five Locust Bricks
  4. Sprint 100 meters on a treadmill at Pottruck (1st floor) then immediately go home because you're done exercising
  5. Climb the DRL stairs to get to 8am math recitation
  6. Go up and down one escalator in Huntsman
  7. Carry six bags of groceries three blocks from FroGro (RIP) to your house
  8. Pregame a darty and then manage to stay alive after 4pm
  9. Dodge eight flyerers on Locust - bonus if you avoid the DP guy at the compass
  10. Ascend the corporate ladder of your dad's company

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