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The One Thing Wharton DOESN'T Want Prospective Students to Know

phone_locker
Credit: Mackenzie Lukas

Tomorrow, the prospective class of 2021 Wharton students will get their application decisions. From the outside, it seems like Wharton is just a super exclusive club, where all the classes have unnecessarily long names with funny sounding acronyms, like PEPTO101 and BISMOL250. Luckily, Under the Button is revealing the one thing Wharton doesn’t want prospective students to know.

It’s really fucking complicated to charge your phone in Huntsman.

You’ll have to use one of the phone lockers in the forum. After approaching the locker, you’ll enter your personal information to the computer screen, including pennkey and password, birthday, year when you first got a Goldman Sachs internship, and what percent communist you are. Then, the computer will ask for your height and weight (including your ego and/or the weight of the world’s expectations) to ensure that you’ll be able to reach the phone slot selected, or at least that you’ll be able to jump high enough to throw your phone in. The computer will then ask you for your resume and any qualifications that make you stand out as an applicant for the phone locker. After three interview stages, you’ll be allowed to place your phone into the locker, but as an inexperienced first-timer, your phone will not actually charge until the third or fourth time you use the locker.

Honestly, it would be easier to just charge your phone with a potato.

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