Satire  Published 03/27/17 3:07pm

OP-ED: Why My Top Pick For The Fling Headliner Is Billy Ray Cyrus


Photo by Chad J. McNeeley / Public Domain

With only a few more days until the unveiling of this year's Fling artist, it's time we all think about which headliner the people really want. Ariana Grande? Kanye West? BeyoncĂ©? Child's play.

I think we all know that there is one man that this school wants. And his name is Billy Ray Cyrus.

First of all, we've never had a country artist headline Fling. Everyone will appreciate the diverse artistry that Billy Ray brings to the table. And what if we have a rapper as an opener? That could make way for some sick collabs. Chief Keef and Billy Ray Cyrus would be a groundbreaking combination, and Penn is a groundbreaking school. It's time to pull on our cowboy boots and step into the future.

In some ways, Billy Ray is a man of combinations. For years he combined business (in the front) and party (in the back) with his trademark mullet. As a headliner he'd combine nostalgia with quality music. He called himself a lifelong Democrat but George W. Bush used one of his songs for campaign music, proving that Billy Ray brings Democrats and Republicans together. Talk about a bipartisan Bill!

Billy Ray's top single, "Achy Breaky Heart," released in 1992, is widely agreed upon as one of the most prized musical achievements of all time. This song made line dancing a popular form of dance. Imagine thousands of Penn students at the Fling concert line dancing together: wholesome, traditional, and a heck of a lot of fun. That'll do wonders for us as a student body.

Not only is Billy Ray a shoe-in for his music, he is undoubtedly one of the most inspirational public figures of the 21st century. His tweets are like poetry, and are a gentle reminder of kindness and grace in the tortured world that we live in. His Wikipedia page has no "controversies" section. Think about everything he's been through. We should all look up to Billy Ray!

I think of Billy Ray Cyrus as many things. A country artist, a mullet-rocker, a #1 Dad, and most of all, a friend. I hope that by now, SPEC knows what's good for them.

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