This Year's Fling Headliners Are Zedd and a Time Machine to 2012

The performers for Spring Fling 2017 (Tinashe as opener, Zedd as headliner) were recently announced on 34th Street's website, and reactions are mixed. Some people are neutral or upset about Zedd headlining the concert, while others are just waking up from 4- or 5-year-long comas excited to see the man behind 2012 smash hit "Clarity". 

Although they ultimately decided on Zedd, SPEC also considered Skrillex and deadmau5. Zedd, who is scheduled to perform repeatedly at Las Vegas nightclubs and pool parties throughout the summer, was slightly cheaper than the other two. The money saved, according to SPEC, will be spent on R&D, production, and testing costs for the co-headliner: a time machine.

"We're designing a particularly big time machine," a member of the SPEC executive board told us. "It's going to be big enough to send everyone in attendance back to 2012, so they can enjoy Zedd the way he's meant to be enjoyed: five years in the past."

The news was revealed in the form of a large bedsheet reading "TIME MACHINE = HEADLINER, TOO" unfurled from the rooftop of the Singh Center for Nanotechnology shortly after Street posted the headliners. The Singh Center has been working closely with SPEC to develop the time machine, indicating that SPEC is serious about its plans.

It is surprising, certainly, that SPEC is confident that it will be able to build a time machine despite the inability of any established technology company or government to accomplish the task. This will be the first of its kind, if successful, and will likely have huge effects on all aspects of our world. But SPEC leadership wants the student body to remain focused on the performers.

"We know that this time machine thing will steal the spotlight, but we really don't mean to distract from Zedd," a SPEC spokesperson told us. "The time machine is just an accessory, something to make the Zedd experience as enjoyable as possible for the student body."