Credit: David Akst / The Daily Pennsylvanian
Today from 6-8 pm, scholars and students alike will participate in The Great Debate: Latke vs Hamantaschen at the Chabad House. One food will be named the winner. For the 1% of the Penn population that isn't jewish, Wikipedia defines a latke as "a fried pancake of grated or ground potato" and a hamentasch as a "filled-pocket cookie or pastry recognizable for its triangular shape."
As the most popular and prestigious blog in the world, Under the Button dot com must take a stance on the issue that has been plaguing our campus for years. We are pleased to endorse latkes as the vastly superior food. Read on for the analysis that led to this conclusion.
Argument 1: Latkes are also known as potato pancakes. Have you ever had a bad potato? Have you ever had a bad pancake? If you answered yes to either or both of those questions, then you’re a tasteless fool who got into Penn by mistake.
Argument 2: Hamantaschen are in the shape of a triangle. Illuminati is in the shape of a triangle. Coincidence? Hardly. The only triangles we like are when two overlap one another, and one is upside down. We can't support the illuminati, so we can't support hamantaschen.
Argument 3: You can enjoy latkes with a wide selection of toppings, such as sour cream, applesauce, ketchup, and yogurt. What can you dip hamantaschen in? The tears streaming down your face once you realize you should be eating a latke instead of a hamentasch. The mixture of salty and sweet complement each other nicely.
Argument 4: Urban Dictionary, the holiest of all websites, defines a latke as “a pancake made out of potatoes the Jewish like to eat.” What is a hamentasch defined as? That’s right, there is no definition for hamantaschen on UD. "The Jewish" know what’s up.
Argument 5: Hamantaschen are sometimes filled with poppy seeds. Also known as the devil’s seeds, poppy seeds get stuck in your teeth without you even realizing it until you say hi to your crush Jack and he says “Hey, you have poppy seeds in your teeth”. It’s embarrassing, and it's something that you wouldn't wish upon your worst enemy. As a result, hamantaschen are undoubtedly worse than latkes.
If you need more proof, go to the debate tonight. Afterwards, there will be an all you can eat buffet of latkes and hamantaschen. It’s technically free but there is a $4 suggested donation and, if you have any Jewish guilt at all, you will pay it. See you there!