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Satire  Published 03/16/17 2:43pm

Now That Break Is Over, the Next Thing This Senior Has to Look Forward to Is Retirement

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Photo: Public Domain / Pixabay


Senior Mark Goldberg (W'17) has been to PV for the fourth time, and experts estimate that he has another 45 years of monotony ahead of him until his next real "break."  Getting married, having kids, and climbing the corporate ladder will pale in comparison to the riveting time he spent with people he knows tangentially on a gentrified beach in Mexico. He does not remember much from his spring break, but if he did, he's certain that those memories would last a lifetime.

Younger members of his fraternity report that they are are already planning for PV 2018. Even though they are only planning this early to give people more time to consider the trip, apparently there has been "a lot of solid interest expressed." Goldberg, unfortunately, knows all too well that his Spring Break days are over for now. He is condemned to spend the next forty-odd years pining for retirement, when he can enter into a state of perpetual spring break.

During his last PV trip, Goldberg was spotted sneaking off the beach to visit retirement spots. He was reportedly impressed by the female-to-male ratio at the coed retirement home, sympathetic to the unreliable memories of the residents, and envious of the rampant drug use — yes, arthritis medication counts. 

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