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Satire  Published 02/15/17 3:07pm

Sorority Girl Falling Out of Love With Her Lin

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Photo: Public Domain / Pixabay


From the Snapchat stories riddled with posters of Pinterested puns and strip teases given by pale, skinny freshman guys, you’re probably aware that it's been a given sorority's Big-Little week for each of the past four weeks. Sophomores spend hundreds of dollars on balloons, food and other perishable goods to show other sophomores how many hundreds of dollars they have spent on balloons, food and other perishable goods. And what’s it all for? Getting crowned “Best Big Ever” on Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat after five to six days of mayhem on a spreadsheet.

We sat down with Jenny Brown*, an affiliated sophomore whose chapter wishes to remain anonymous.

UTB: So, Jenny, how are you? How was Big-Little week this year?

Jenny: Honestly... I just... Look, don’t get me wrong, I have the best little in the Milky Way, and I will literally fight anyone who tries to suggest absolutely anything otherwise. And taking out a loan to rightfully finance her baked goods, salads, flowers and candy was the easiest decision I’ve ever made. Having a little is great, I just... I think I’m falling out of love with my lin.

UTB: Do you mean the food truck Lyn's? Lineages are supposed to be forever.

J: I mean my lineage, my big and my grandbig, my closest sisters, my world. Something just doesn’t feel right about our weekly happy hours, mani/pedi appointments, and sangria sessions. I’m just not as obsessed with them as I used to be. When I joined the lin, it was my everything. I said the L word almost instantly: as soon as I joined, I was proclaiming my love for my lin on Instagram and Facebook. But these days I'm having doubts. The spark isn't there anymore. How do I even know if I'm in love with my lin when this is the only lin I've ever known?

UTB: Wow, Jenny, this is a lot. Maybe you could just start hanging out with them less and make other friends? Maybe even outside of your sorority?

J: Excuse me? Spending time with not the people who birthed me last year? The people whose craft collections I strive to obtain? The people whose genes are literally mine? That’s absurd. I can’t even imagine. I don't know if I love the lin anymore, but it's all I have.

UTB: It was just a suggestion.

J: I don't think I can talk about this more without getting emotional. I have to go paint paddles for my entire chapter.

UTB: Thank you for your time.

*Name changed for safety

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