Satire  Published 02/16/17 3:16pm

Narcolepsy Cookies Coming to Penn


Credit: MJ Kang / The Daily Pennsylvanian

Insomnia Cookies, founded in 2003 by then-Penn student Seth Berkowitz, has been a massive success. In fact, the chain opened its hundredth store late last year. The company's brand is simple: they serve and deliver cookies until 3 am, later than most businesses stay open, hence the name.

Now, the brand is diversifying. "It's great to have the reliability of Insomnia Cookies," Berkowitz told us, "but some people want a little more excitement, a little more uncertainty in their cookie experience. To cater to this growing market, we are introducing Narcolepsy Cookies."

Narcolepsy Cookies will serve the exact same cookies as its Insomnia counterpart; the only difference will be its hours of operation. “Narcolepsy Cookies will open and close whenever it pleases, without warning,” said Berkowitz. “Literally, it could close at any moment, for any period of time. Even if you've already ordered a cookie and they're just getting it for you, it might close and you'll be out of luck. Even I don't know when it’s going to open and close; we’re going to use an algorithm.”

Penn is already making way for the first installation of Narcolepsy Cookies. Berkowitz told UTB that he has signed on to move into the basement of Van Pelt, ejecting Mark's Cafe. "When I explained my idea to the University, they were enthusiastic," Berkowitz gushed. "They said, 'Finally, a way to make the Van Pelt experience even more frustrating.'"

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