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Satire  Published 02/28/17 9:00pm

Indecisive College Freshman Creates a Hundred Mock Schedules

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Photo: Seyoung Kim / The Daily Pennsylvanian


When Fall 2017 courses went live on Penn InTouch on Friday, Julia Glanzer (C '20) celebrated. Now that classes are out, she can revel in the semiannual opportunity to create a hundred mock schedules and mask her fear of never figuring out her path in life.

For Glanzer, Penn InTouch is an art. She invited us into the back row of her Econ 001 lecture, where she claims to do her best work. We watched as Glanzer flitted adeptly between the dizzying array of tabs on her browser: Penn InTouch, Penn Course Review, thirty-one department websites, and Facebook, where she badgered five different upperclassmen for advice. 

Glanzer's technique is impressive, but her body of work is what truly shines. She has over three hundred classes in her course cart, including every Fall 2017 class that fulfills a sector requirement. She justifies this, explaining, "It seems like a lot, but it's because I need to add every section and 8 possible recitations for thoroughness." Her one hundred mock schedules contain at least five combinations of classes for each of the tracks she's considering: math, economics, mathematical economics, and a double major in math and economics. Each schedule also has a pre-med counterpart, as Glanzer's lifelong dream before coming to Penn (and questioning everything she thought she wanted) was to heal the sick and wounded.

Glanzer admitted to making schedules with Wharton and CIS classes as well. "It's just in case I decide to transfer... or maybe do a dual degree. I don't really know. I have strong interests in so many subjects," she whispered to us, paying no attention to her ongoing economics lecture. We even caught sight of a Nursing schedule, but Glanzer quickly blocked our view of the screen and denied its existence.

Glanzer's friends expressed deep concern for her well-being. "I didn't even know fall classes came out until I witnessed Julia make fifteen mock schedules in eight minutes," said Brian Park (C '20). "She doesn't eat; she doesn't sleep. All she does is make schedules and add majors to her academic planning worksheet."

"Julia saw me put five classes in my course cart and make one mock schedule, and told me I was doing it wrong," Sarah Cohen (W '20) said. "She started making schedules for me. She knows more about Wharton's curriculum than my advisor does."

Exam season hit most students hard, but Glanzer barely noticed the state of her current classes as she planned for the future. "I have three midterms this week, but I spent the whole weekend making mock schedules instead of studying," she told us. "I'll probably fail the majority of my classes this semester, so I'm really looking forward to next year."

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