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Satire  Published 02/20/17 1:12pm

Amy Gutmann Spends President's Day in Philadelphia, Is Wowed by City's History

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Credit: Carson Kahoe / The Daily Pennsylvanian


Celebrating her University title as well as the founding fathers, Amy Gutmann decided to make the rare trek from her off-campus home to Philadelphia for President’s Day. Unsurprisingly, students ranging from first-years to seniors were charmed and excited to see their ever-elusive leader, many for the first time since their freshman convocation ceremonies.

But Gutmann was in town for more than just the students. “I wanted to spend this very special holiday in Philadelphia, my place of work, because I feel it is my duty to my fellow presidents who paved the way for me,” remarked Gutmann, gazing at the historical architecture in awe. “And honestly, I’m quite impressed by all this city has to offer in the way of American history!”

When asked to expand on this point, Gutmann offered: “I just didn’t know there was so much going on here back when America was just starting out. I knew Boston had the Tea Party going for it, but it seems like Philly has been home to a few exciting historical events, too. There are so many plaques in this city!" Carefully yet confidently traversing the 300-year-old cobblestones in her kitten heels, she added “I mean, Pennsylvania was one of the original thirteen colonies—that’s a 7.69% acceptance rate. Really extraordinary.” 

Some students were confused by the President’s apparent lack of knowledge about the city’s historical significance. “Did she literally not know the Constitution was signed here?” asked Jeff Golden (W’18). “I know she doesn’t come to campus often, but seriously? They teach this stuff in grade school. I’m an international student and I still knew that.” 

After a full day of touring Old City, Gutmann was seen leaving Independence Hall clutching an armful of Liberty Bell snow globes.

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