UTB has one sworn enemy, aside from freshmen running for Class Board, and that enemy is mono. For the uninformed, mono (short for mononucleosis) is the most serious illness of our time and should have multiple GoFundMe campaigns trying to stop it.
Mono fucking sucks and we are pretty sure 45% of the campus currently has it. While fall break is supposed to be fun and relaxing, it's basically just become a time to recover. Also, mono has no cure (??? Illuminati ???) so the only way to heal is just to rest and do nothing. Isn't it weird that mono season and fall break just happen to overlap?? Amy Gutmann is up to something!
100% of people who contract mono will die at some point. These are facts. This is the reality of mono. To raise awareness and to help find a cure to the kissing disease, UTB is dedicating our writing this week to mono, the worst illness ever wrought upon God's great Earth. To stay updated on our fight against mono, check back on the blog.