Halloweekend is here! As you all sip on your mimosas and discuss which sexy vegetable to go as tonight, UTB would like to give the gentle reminder that come midnight on Monday, we are all going to fucking die.
For several days now, the boundary between our world and the Otherworld has thinned. We received a formal threat two days ago, when a falcon slaughtered a squirrel with magic, picked it up from its little ears and paraded it on the bridge outside Commons.
The dead are coming. On October 31, they will re-enter our reality. Many will visit their former homes seeking hospitality, so instead of making drinks for the sad, recent alum grappling with the realization that the social power they built up in college means nothing, all of you should be making offerings to the much older, deceased ones who are coming back to suck your souls.
The dead will be with us sooner than you think. It is frankly unwise to be away from candles and an exorcist, but enjoy your raves anyway! Remember to tip us at email@example.com if you catch a live ghoul.