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UTB's Guide to Galentine's Day

Planning a Galentine's Day celebration with your bestie/house/srat group chat, complete with Grey's, wine, and endless bitching about how you're going to totally going to die alone even though you're 19 and could literally have three 20-year marriages before you even start developing dementia? 

Well, STOP. You're young and alive in a major metropolitan area and could definitely do something better, like hitting up a male strip club to objectify some men with muscles and moves (because you're not going to find that combination at Smoke's, sadly). We've already scoped out Philly's male strip club scene, which unfortunately consists of a single club called Upstairs at Risque. We trolled its treasure trove of Yelp reviews for the essential information for your GNO:

There truly is a lid for every pot

"There are guys to suit every preference, but all of them were attractive. If you're like me and you like your "beefcake" muscly and Italian, you *definitely* won't be disappointed. LOL." - Rebecca H. 

Although you may never get to the bottom of what that lid's name is. 

"My favorite was Mr. Beer boy, he told me his name was Nick, while my other girl friends say his name was Jeremy. Who cares. He was so hot I wouldn't care if his name was Filipe." - Jane P. 

Men can be scum even when you're paying them (except for the Firefighter, v important exception). 

"Also, don't expect to go and just watch. The guys aren't very professional (except for the Firefighter) and the word "no" is taken very loosely."  - Betrice Y.

But you could also end up lobbying for this dude's promotion on Yelp.

"One guy in particular (Mike, the guy with the air force tattoo) was super sweet. He is a greeter at the door and message boy, but should definitely be a dancer." - Gabriela R.

However it goes, it's sure to be an unforgettable experience (unlike seasons 6-12 of Grey's).  

"My memory remains extremely hazy about all the goings-on, but one thing remains firmly intact in my temporal lobe: DayGlo orange banana hammock." - Michelle C.

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