PSA: Your Big Isn't Actually The Best

Hide yo kids hide yo wife because social media is about to blow up. That’s right folks, big little week is upon us and there’s nothing for the rest of us to do except watch half-naked freshmen boys awkwardly strip tease on the Ivy League snap story. It’s time for everyone to disable their Insta accounts, because girls across campus are about to flock to the Internet to proclaim their love for a human being they met literally 2 weeks ago. To the freshmen girls out there: while we’re happy that you and your owl pal/strawberry sister/phi phriend are in a successful arranged marriage big-little pairing, we’re already sick of seeing #linlove on our Facebook timelines. So, while you might think that your big is “actually the greatest”, we’re here to give you 30 reasons she might not be:

1. She uses WordArt
2. She wears Livestrong bracelets
3. She reads the Tab
4. She writes for the Tab
5. She sends emails for the Tab
6. She goes to Bridge Café
7. She wears socks and sandals
8. She wears crocs
9. Her favorite song is Uptown Funk
10. She starts every sentence with “I’m so blackout”
11. Her favorite show is the Big Bang Theory
12. She has a Blackberry
13. She uses gel pens
14. She is the zodiac killer
15. She says “bless up” non-ironically
16. She leaves you jelly beans on your bed
17. She reads Snapple facts out loud
18. She eats at Waffles Noir
19. She eats at Qdoba
20. She eats meals at Starbucks
21. She has a Tidal account
22. She writes on her converse
23. She has the Zika virus
24. She watches Glee
25. She clicks attending to fake Facebook events
26. She makes Elf Yourself videos
27. She makes raunchy emoji chain texts
28. Her voicemail is one of those trick voicemail greetings that gets you every damn time
29. She insulted Beyonce’s Superbowl half time performance
30. She likes Rubio

There you have it folks: maybe think twice before posting about “the world’s best big” on all of your social media accounts. Lying on the Internet never works.