Satire  Published 02/11/16 5:18pm

Penn Researchers Tackle Coke Addiction


Photo from Pexels / CC0

Ex-hippies and rich Penn kids rejoice! Penn researchers have found a potential new treatment for cocaine addiction

Although the drug is currently used to regulate food consumption for obese patients and type-2 diabetics, scientists see potential for its use to treat cocaine dependency in the future. The idea behind the drug’s dual function is that cocaine and palatable food, like a burger and fries, activate similar receptors in the brain. 

Researchers are now looking towards human trials to gauge its success. Luckily for them, there are a host of possible subjects out there on Penn’s campus – they needn’t look further than the “Fire & Ice bathroom” or the “carrels of Van Pelt." The drug probably won't be approved anytime soon, so if you do plan on frequenting these spotsmaybe just stick to herbal

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