Things We Wish Were As Fast As The Penn Relay Runners

If you couldn't tell from the sudden spike in tracksuits on campus, the Penn Relays are officially here. In the same spot where you stood/stumbled/fell last Friday, runners are now breaking world records. Whatta comparison. Since we're never going to be faster than Usain Bolt, here are few things we wish were. 

• AirPennNet
• The High Rise elevators
• The time it takes to complete sector requirements
• The line for a Commons omelette
• Our GrubHubbed Pattaya
• The entire month of February
• The time it takes to walk up the steep part of the 38th Street Bridge
• The delay between drinking espresso and being able to study
• That time when you're meeting someone in Starbucks but get there waaay too early and have to awkwardly wait for the other person to arrive
• When you're drunk at a party and some dude from your writing seminar comes up and asks how you are
• Writing seminar
• Phone calls when your mom wants to talk about your health
• Phone calls when your mom wants to talk about your sex life
• Phone calls 
• The Wawa line
• The five seconds after you accidentally take a picture of someone with the flash on and you honestly have no idea what to do
• PowerPoint transitions
• The time it takes your Uber to drive somewhere when the surge price is very high
• The walk from your house to Wawa
• People in VP bathrooms
• The amount of time it takes your heater to heat the air in your room
• The amount of time it takes your heater to warm the heart in your chest
• The time between the after party and the hotel lobby
• The internet when your Netflix won't stop buffering
• Any period of time ever spent in DRL
• Unzipping and re-zipping your backpack for the VP security guard
• The amount of time it takes your heated blanket to preheat
• That one bitch's Snapstory
• The time you've spent removing glitter from your clothes, room, and life in general since Kesha
• Haircuts when your hairdresser is trying to talk about your personal life
• Any interaction with people from your freshmen hall after freshmen year
• The stifled sobs of the person behind you in a VP cubicle
• The time on Locust when you see someone you know but they're too far away so you awkwardly look at your phone until they're close enough to say hi to
• When you're waiting for the food to come
• When you're waiting for the bread to come
• The time the Smoke's bouncer takes to examine your ID 
• Us, because we could probably use a few more visits to Pottruck
• The time it takes for your phone to turn on after you plug it in dead
• Kygo's set
• The amount of time it takes a professor to figure out how to play 30 second clip